Dem Problems.

I'm not important to a lot of people.
They can live happily with or without me.
Sometimes I just wonder why am I even born in this world .

 Life is still as suck-ish as ever.
And that's probably one of the reasons I am blogging today.
*sigh*

I'm actually really really glad that it's holiday next week .
School is a place of loneliness for people like me.
I shunned myself from everyone these days . (and I decided to do that till I graduate)
There are various reasons for that.

I finally realized that I will never find a true friend that treat me good from the bottom of their heart.
People just don't do that these days .
They treat people good for reasons.
Most of them just want to survive in school or for the sake of memories.
Who doesn't want to have great memories of school after they graduate anyway ?
I haven't reach that high level of  peculiar-ness yet .
I too want to live my school life happily.
But isn't it pathetic ?
To be nice to people who treats you like a nobody .
That's not exactly true , but people DO ignore me at times.
No .
Just I'm not important at all .
My existence doesn't matter I guess.
I'm not a fun kind of person , so I can't exactly blame them .
There's only myself to blame then.

I'm a narrow minded kind of person sometimes. *in certain aspects*
Such as , F R I EN D S H I P .
I used to be really jealous when my best friend has another best friend during primary school.
I kept asking my best friend if I was her best friend .
And keep trying to keep my best friend to myself.
At that time , I like my best friend's best friend too .
Still , me being a jealous kid , sometimes I just can't help but being a little too touchy when both of them do something without me.
One day , I guess they are finally annoyed of me being me .
And so they told me that they do not want to "friend" me anymore.
I asked why and started crying a little. * I cried really easily when I was young*
Then I guess they panicked seeing me crying , they decided to "friend" me again to calm me down .
That was some kind of childhood memories , isn't it ?
Seeing I have remembered them so clearly today , I guess they are pretty much the second most important people after my family back then .

Anyway ,  I am just trying to say that I haven't changed that much for the first few years of my secondary school's life. *Idgaf about everything this year , so I guess that means I've changed then?*
Eventually , I had to give up on making somebody else as my best friend .
I cant stand it when my only one best friend has a bunch of best friends lol.
It's tough for me .
So now , I have no best friends .
I do have a bunch of good friends last year.
Whom I've played with , talked with , argued with , eat with and slept with .
Last year was probably the best year of my secondary school life.
But this year , is just orz , orz and orz!
All of them find better friends.
And I'm not one who interrupt other happy times.
So I choose not to find them anymore.

Anyway, people who doesn't tell the truth is real pain .
I get frustrated when I realized what I know isn't the truth .
I stay away from that kind of people too. *Except for my brother , it's not like I can keep him away from my life urgh*
So when I'm having a conversation with them , I avoid talking about subjects which they choose to give me untrue statements. *I couldn't avoid when it's one of my good friends either*

I'm not the kind of person who force people to do things for me.
If you don't want to help me . Just say it .
Don't push me to somebody else as if I'm a problem to you.
I don't even asked why anymore.
It just crushed me , to realized that even my friend don't want to help me.
Is that over thinking again ?
I don't know .
I just don't want to be a nuisance to anyone anymore.

Life is a b***ch.
And I'm a brat with rotten attitude ?

<p.s. this post is made up of several little post xD>
Good Night .

Three months ?

Well ....Hi guys , I'm finally back :p
It has been THREE months ! *p.s. I've Just Came Back From Mars*
You can't believe it ?
Don't Believe It Then .

I thought I could at least blog once a month ..
It turns out that I was wrong .
My laziness swallows me completely .
I can't even find my way back here urgh..

Well anyway , I came back .

Here's a short interview between me and myself. Enjoy :/

How's life ?
Me: Extremely terrible.

Why do I say so ?
Me: Frankly, I really can't get used to this freaking class . Everyone in my class are like so extremely talented . Those who are talented in musical instruments and those who are good in academics , you can find them anywhere in  my class . ALL EXCEPT ME ! My results were pretty good last year . But this year it just sucked so much that it is not even bearable to look at . Especially my maths . I feel like crying now . So let's stop talking about results. All in all . I'm extremely disappointed in myself . Only pray to god that I won't get the last place in my class.

What have I been doing these days ?
Me: Nothing actually . I guess I've somewhat lengthen my December holidays mood to the first few months of 2014. I'm making an effort in quitting my addiction to drama.

Have I made any friends ?
Me: Sure. But only a few. Whom I can't even call as friends. My social life sucks. I guessed I have made that clear since I first started blogging ? Anyhow , I have to keep trying . Or I'll sink into depression of not having friends in life . Then I'll start talking to myself or my dolls ...I will be crazy ..

How's my preparation for the year end big test ?
Me: NOT in progress.

End .

So !
You probably thinks I'm absolutely hopeless by now eh ?
Go on . Think them . But don't tell me .
I'm pessimistic enough right now.

Perhaps the reason for my unexplainable sluggish behavior is because of the absence of a goal.
I had to make some wishes for the months ahead .

1. I wish that I can at least get 8As in my O-level.
2. I wish I can get 72 or above average marks in my school tests.
3. I wish I can fit in my school life better .
4. I wish I'm a better person xD
5. ...

Okay :p

The fourth one is bs.

'Cause I don't even know what I meant by being a better person lol.

Not fussing over petty matters ? Be A LOT MORE hardworking ??

Anyway , it doesn't have a definite definition for " A Better Person" ..

I guess I'll have to work hard now.

I hope I can do instead of repeating it over and over again *sigh*. 

Bye .
And I'll be back when I'll be back :)