Boredom

I went on a few days trip with my family yesterday....

Frankly speaking , I find the trip pretty boring....

The only moments I like about this trip is the buffet breakfast I get to eat in the morning , and also the environment of staying in a classy hotel...

I didn't imply that I'm rich tho...

I was never rich , am never rich , and never will be rich if I don't work hard , that is.

The environment of a hotel ...hmm...how should I explain that?

It's just that I find hotel so much better than my own house..

Maybe it's because of the a/c , or maybe the super clean toilet , or even the fact that I can lie on a super king sized bed doing nothing but playing my phone , watching the tv , ... I just like it , staying in a hotel.

What's with the air con statement ?

In my house , I couldn't switch on the a/c every night as my mom refuse to let us get used to such extravagant lifestyle.

She will say "What if you become a useless bump in the future and couldn't even earn a single penny , how can you still afford buying an air-con? "

 So that concludes in ... Switching a/c every night ...is a double no-no.

Unless I pray hard that every night will be over 30 deg.

But it's pretty impossible... so that's the end of the story.

Hmmm....

I don't really have anything to blog about nowadays...

Nothing exactly fun or upsetting happens ...

My current feelings altogether includes of ;

• 30% feeling excited as my Australia emigrated uncle will be coming over before this month ends, he might / might not sponsor me a trip to Perth .
• 30% feeling excited as I am going to plan for a trip to Japan together with my beloved mom...
• 10% feeling worried that my Japan trip will be called off due to various reason.
• 15% feeling lazy about having to go back to work on the day after tomorrow. 
• 15% feeling pretty frantic as I've gained quite an amount of weight after this trip.

That's all for today.

Goodnight.

1/3/15 - Lovely day

Yesterday was pretty good.
I have had fun with two of my friends who came over to my house for the first time.
Before they came , I've planned to gamble or watch scary movies to spend the time.
However , things doesn't always goes as I planned .
We ended up playing barbies .
Eh , no , hehe..
Instead of doing whatever I've planned .
I've had them invested our time in beautifying......ourselves.
No, we didn't makeup or anything .
As one of them dolled herself up before coming to my house.
I put on "a little" after taking my bath and preparing food for them .
The other one  is not used to these kind of stuffs so she didn't yet beautify her face :p

I'm really interested in curling my hair these days .
I've just came across this hair curler which has been lying in my mom's cupboard after being used once or twice  .
Then , I just took it out and started curling my friend's hair .
I don't know how I did it .
I've actually successfully made her looking like a....... ahjumma :'D

The curling effect look pretty good on me , I thought it would look as well on everyone else.
I look very korean girl-ish . *where did I find so much confidence ?* :'D
I love it so much that I really would sacrifice my sleep and wake up early everyday just to get my hair curled. :p
Call it hiao or whatever you want .
But really , I have nobody to hiao to .
Whatever I've done to make myself look good was just to boost my self confidence.

If you know me well enough .
You'd know that I have really low self-esteem .
I cannot get myself to smile naturally in front of a camera every time as I've had myself convinced that my face looks fat whenever I smile .
Selfies tho , is a different matter .
'Cause angles can really make one look different.
and taking selfies is just all about angles ,.

Now back to yesterday.
It really is not as bad as I thought it would be.
Well, with that girl around , things can never be awkard.
'Cause she's just too hyper.
She will try to be cheerful and lively just to make everyone happy.
Although sometimes too exaggerated , ...and sometimes even I don't know how to respond to her
Being that way too is her flaw..
She looks really happy every time I see her and I even thought of her as the most cheerful girl I've ever met.
But sadly , I failed as a friend as I didn't know that her cheerfulness was not her real feelings.
Anyways , I was really worried back then .
But now that she's in the process of getting better , I'm feeling much more relieved.

I don't know why , but she's one of the rare friends that's able to make me worry for them.
I guess that means that she's in my important friends list then haha.
Well , anyways.
I  never knew that I have this kind of personality .
Worrying for other people other than myself.
Ever since puberty strucks me , I've been as rebellious as ever.
I even thought that perhaps I am the rebirth of a devil.
Since , all I did back then was just making everyone who cared about me sad.
It's not that , I'm a good kid now .
But since I've made an effort in self improving .
I guessed I can say that I'm much better than the me who knew nothing but throwing tantrums , threatening others by running away.
heh , I was that bad .

Omg , what am I writing about now . =.=
Ok , back to yesterday .
Although having the longest hair amongst us three , and despite her being the shortest .
She's really fun yesterday .
Yesterday was really different with the other outings I've had with her.
I can be myself yesterday .
There's not a single moment spent with me not being myself.
Maybe it's because yesterday was mainly about dolling up , desserts , and selfies.
Or maybe , I've finally learnt how to be less oversensitive.
Her being around yesterday was pretty fun , and I like it.

We met Cinderella and her Prince, took pictures , ate lotsa desserts , and despite I've wasted lotsa money on buying useless stuffs , yesterday was good.
I'm glad I've invited them over to my house .
I'm glad that others couldn't make it to that outing  .
Hehe..
My weekend is really well spent thanks to them .
Arigatou ...

This is a really long post .
Mainly because I felt like writing.
And also this post is just to make up for the guilt of not posting for so many weeks.
sigh ..
His genes after all .
No matter how I tried , I just can't get the lazy genes off me ...urgh.

Tomorrow is the day when the results will be known .
Am I nervous :
Not really .
Am I scared :
Yes.
I'm really scared that I will let anyone down .
I don't want that.
I think I will cry if that ever happens.
But what's the use of crying when whatever has happened already happen.
So , instead of crying , I hope I can find the strength to stand up again .
Instead of falling to the pits , I hope I can climb to a much higher position .

Stay Strong Jasmine Kit .
Gambateh . :(

Friday 13th 2015

Blogging is really hard when you don't feel like it.
There are times I really wanted to blog because there are too many thoughts in my head.
However , all the thoughts are too scattered.
To be honest , I don't even know how to start.
Just like today.

Twitters are for us to tweet our thoughts at the moment.

Which is probably  the reason why most of the people preferred tweeting over blogging.

I too, am the same , once.

But on one 'fine' day , I realized twitter brings more harm to my life although it does help me to release my feelings.

I don't always keep my feelings to myself.

Writing brings me peace .

That's why I've started blogging.

But ever since I know the existence of twitter , I've abandoned this blog .

Twitter is not as good as I thought it was .

You follow the ones you love/admire a lot .

But once they tweet , you slowly find out about their true personality .

There's absolutely nothing bad about it if they have a good personality in person.

But if you are like me , you have to hide the bad side of you in real life because it's not really that likable .

Twitter just expose too much of it .

That's why I can't stand twitter .

Also , twitter brought too much misunderstandings.

People likes to tweet bad things about someone indirectly.

They don't mention their name .

They just go on and on about their feelings without worrying about others feelings.

People who thinks a lot , like me , will really put ourselves in the wrong shoes , thinking they are talking about us .

Sometimes they really are , but they will deny it anyway, then you will go to a corner , think and rethink , feeling all miserable.

Sometimes they aren't , and you'll just end up humiliating yourself.

Maybe this circumstances only happens to me . or maybe not.

Well whatever .'

I didn't come today to blog about twitter.

I was feeling really down the whole day .

Normally , I  just feel at peace . Or maybe trying to feel at peace .

But today is really ....urgh.

No matter how hard I tried , I can't find the happiness in me .

I can't find peace .

Perhaps it's because of the drama I watched every morning when I arrived early in the office.

I paused it at the most heartbreaking part .

The part that almost made me cry .

But I can't possibly cry in a OFFICE .

So I hold the tears in .

I was feeling sad since the morning .

Maybe the feeling stayed with me longer than I want it to .

Or maybe it's completely unrelated to the drama.

Maybe I'm just really sick of people bossing me around.

However as a newbie , I cannot complain .

I know nothing about doing things right .

Therefore, I tried to please everyone .

But everyone just asked too much of me .

Making me feel like their own personal lackey.

Maybe next time I should just ask them whether they want to have a cup of tea before they start their work , right ?!

I'm trying my best to keep the feelings to myself .

I am really trying to be a more likable person .

But it turns out I've made myself into a introvert instead .

I kept my feelings in . 

Trying to feel at peace in order to improve my patience.

But those people really just know how to take advantage of a good me.

It's hard to be me.

I really do feel like blogging only when I feel depressed ahah.

Lame post * Title-less *

Say !
I actually know myself quite well..
The fact that I've said I didn't believe myself in my last post is quite the proof.

this has 75% of chance of achieving 

Do I look like I'm someone who will make an extra effort to realize the resolution they make themselves ?
Will you believe me if I say I AM ?

Well ahah I even limit my resolution to make it more achievable tsktsk
what ?
Ah ~ the kind of 'human being' who talk big but no action.
I remind myself of my detestable 'father'.
G A R B A G E

To reduce the similarity between me and my so called 'father'
I've decided to blog today .

So .
I feel like further stressing about my reasons of not updating hmm..
'Cause it will eventually get into the main topic of this post .

It's not like I don't want to update ...
It's just that I .... don't really have the time to do so !
Blogging is not something can just be done THAT easily .
It can't be done even if you have the time.
Getting into the mood is also one important factor .
idek whether what I'm saying is a fact or just BS

By now , you must've known what's my excuse :p

Tbh last week I can squeeze time to blog , but I didn't do so because I don't feel like it.
Especially after a long day WORKING .
I swear working is every bit as hard as studying .
Or maybe HARDER .
Now I finally understand what my mom always say when I was young =.=
Back then I used to think that what's so hard about working that one will get so stress everyday
Now that I've experience that myself .
I can absolutely understand the feeling .
After being so careful everyday at your work place to prevent yourself from getting scold by your boss , when you reach home one must've wanted to relax .
But then your mother comes and annoy the shit out of you by shouting about some tiny problems.
Anyone in their right mind will definitely get annoyed .
Isn't that so ?

Well idk if that applies to anyone other than me .
I was REALLY annoyed when my grandma shout at me when I came back from office urgh.


I cannot continue this post anymore I'm really sorry .
I just came back from hard labour today !!
I felt really bad that this turns out to be a really shitty post :(
I'm tired. So tired that I can sleep right away if I am lying on my bed right now .
Please. Excuse .Me.
Do consider this post as an example of what happens if I force myself to blog when I am physically and mentally tired .
Idek what this post is about..
I'm sorry .
Goodnight.
I really need to cut some slack for myself .
I actually get two jobs and I work 7 days in a week .
5 days office work and 2 days hard labour.
Why am I torturing myself like that .
I didn't know I was feeling so miserable about working on weekends until the tears fall .
I really felt miserable looking at people having fun when I am working ....

2015 Resolution

Good day, my dear blog.
I didn't make any promise that I will update my blog anytime soon in my last post.
Yet why do I felt bad for not updating  hmm .
I will not go on with my delusional excuses about why I didn't update my blog .
So I might as well get into the topic of this post.

It's FINALLY 2015.
THE YEAR I GRADUATE* .
THE YEAR I START ANEW.
I don't want to make too many New Year Resolution this year.
In fact making any resolution has been regarded as USELESS by me.
BECAUSE I don't think I can live up to my resolutions anyway .

Still, making resolutions in a new year is a tradition.
I will keep this tradition alive.
But this time ,I will make some resolutions that will actually come true.
Unlike this , I WANT TO BE A FUNNY PERSON THIS YEAR.
Growing up , I've came to accept the saddening truth that I can never be funny .
I cannot make/tell jokes.
I cannot make anyone laugh merely because of me.
I AM A DOWN TO EARTH aka BORING PERSON.
I don't talk bullshits. I don't ask questions that is unrelated to what I'm doing / what I'm going to do .
If I've ever did all those stuffs , I'm not being myself.
Not being myself is what I've gotten used to anyway .
In order to keep or make any friends , I have to NOT be myself most of the time.
I'm really sick of that .
So I've found myself a girl friend last year.
She's not pretty *most of my friends are not anyway* *I guess that's what you call birds of a feather flocks together , I'm not the pretty type either. So , that's actually NBD. Making pretty friends makes me even more depressed anyway . My self esteem is low enough , I don't need that to degrade myself even more*
SO BACK TO THE TOPIC.
She is tall . As tall as I am .
We are alike in quite many ways.
She's not funny . (Like Me)
Not talkative . ( Like Me , but we can actually find topics to talk about when we're together.)
Has flaws in certain subjects ( Hers is English and History , Mine is Maths )
We are so alike that I can actually be myself most of the time when I'm with her.
That's probably why I've spent quite some time with her last year.
We were each others companion .
I'm using past tense because these are already in the past.
Since I'm not going to the same school with her anymore this year .
I 'm concluding our relationship in one sentence .
I'm glad that we were friends .

Anyway , I'm pretty sure I'm out of the topic right now :p
2015 Resolutions.
First of all , I want to pretty . That's actually possible , I can assure you .
As most of all the people says , MAKEUP DOES WONDERS.
It's not like I'm just going to depend on makeup .
I have to be really determined in losing weight .
The last time I saw myself on the weighing machine , I'm almost 55 . DAfaq ?
Losing 5 kg is not that hard RIGHT ?
PLUS , I  am doing hard labour these days .
Surely I can lose weight within weeks RIGHT ?
/.\ I wish someone can give me a definite answer . *sigh*

Second , I want to go on a trip ALONE to Japan .
Alone is already impossible since my dear mother who has suddenly become over-protective recently objects that idea.
Going alone is really thrilling to me .
I wonder what people will I meet if I go alone .
Also I wonder if I will speak in Japanese with the locals when I'm there.
I want to confirm if I'm actually THAT low in confidence .
Sigh .

Third , I want to have a love relationship like Irie Naoki and Kotoko Aihara.
Third , I want to be a good baker and be fluent in Japanese as well as in Korean .
Good Baker is possible as my dear mother has finally bought me an oven .
Now I only need all the supplies / maybe cash to buy my supplies.
Fluent in Japanese and Korean is 1/2 possible as I'm pretty lazy recently .
Hopefully my laziness will end soon like everything else.
Since I have this major year goal to travel to Japan this year.
Perhaps I will really work hard in Japanese.

Fourth , being myself , I want to make new friends.
Is it actually possible  ?
Maybe I should make a backup fourth resolution . /.\
I will make an update regarding this.

Fifth & LAST .
I want to be an active BLOGGER .
This ....
I have a disease named LAZINESS .
If that disease is ever cured , this WILL come true .
And since this is a resolution , I have to make sure this last but not least resolution will be achieved.
I WILL BECOME AN ACTIVE BLOGGER .
Since everyone has different definition for being active .
My definition of being active is at least one post per week .
Seeing my current determination , this has 75% of chance of achieving .
I am sorry it's not 99%.
Just that , I don't really believe myself *sigh*.
I'm in the midst of quitting twitter .
I really hope that I can spend the time that I used to scroll twitter and butt my head in other people's BS to update my blog .

I have made these five resolution .
Actually I have quite a list of resolutions in my mind .
But I have to keep the rate of achieving all the resolutions in this post as high as possible .
Therefore , I have chosen this five.
The others are actually bullshits . :p
Eg : I want to be less sensitive . I want to be fun and lively . I want to make true friends . I want to get a good looking guy friend.

Those are some of the unrealistic resolutions I have in  my mind
Being sensitive is already part of me . Just like being down to earth symbolize me .
If you ever saw me stop being sensitive , then the person in front of you is probably not me.
Fun and Lively . Ahah . Don't you find it contradicting for a person to be down to earth but fun and lively . It's never going to be achieved.
I have came to the age to realize that true friends doesn't exist .
Therefore , I'm gonna stop bs about that .
Good Looking Guy Friend .
Sure . I'll get myself one.
In my dream .

Goodnight dear blog .

My perfect future husband *which ends hastily because I'm sleepy*

Tomorrow never arrrives.
That was something I learnt from managing my blog.
Every time I said to update the next day .
I ends up not doing it .
Don't ask me why .
'Cause I could come up with infinity excuses for my laziness.
So don't make me into some kind of jerk .(Don't ask me why ..shh)
Anyways.
Me updating today is not because I'm finding something to distract me from studying or neither am I bored.
I'm gonna write an essay about "My perfect future husband or wife" today since the scary exam is two weeks away.

My perfect future husband. 

I came from a single parent family . In my tiny family , I have only my mom , my grandma and my little brother. To us , my father is non-existent . That's because what he did to us was unforgivable. He abandoned my mom , my brother and I while we were kids . I would have said he never comes back to us again since then . But that's not true. He did came back . Occasionally , at first . However , ever since my brother and I grew older , he stop contacting us and visiting us all together. That doesn't bother me of course , because I'm already used to him not being there every time. But his actions have certainly increase my distaste for him. I would have list out every flaws he have ,  as a father , husband and son . To save my inks , I'll just end it here .

Back to the topic , I do not have any high expectations of my future husband but he certainly cannot be the kind of person my father is . He should be a filial son to his parents and a responsible father to my children , if I have any , of course. Although , I don't have any high expectations of his appearance when I'm not exactly a beauty myself , he certainly can't have the looks of druggies , fatties and such. To be honest, I will like it if my future husband is a quiet but humorous kind of guy as I do not like sweet talking guys who picks up any girls they want.

My future husband should be tall , really tall , and that's a MUST . I am 173 cm myself and I don't think the future me will like it if my future husband is any shorter than I am . Besides , it will be perfect if my future husband possess a kind heart. Exactly , a kind heart. I haven't added that into my future perfect husband qualities list , not until a guy teacher of mine told us true stories of himself that he used to threw barking dog from high buildings just because it distracts him from studying for his exam. I certainly won't like a guy like that teacher to be my husband.

In addition , my future husband should also be brainy . Not the kind of know-it-all that everyone hates . He should at least be knowledgeable. Actually , I've always find the kind of guys who are quiet but intelligent charismatic. Maybe it's because they don't show off like most of the know-it-all s would. Besides ,  whys always comes out from my mouth unconsciously , I will be in awe if my future husband have the answers to all of my questions. Also , most of the knowledgeable guys will find a better profession . Despite the fact that I'm not a big spender , and I do not like to relay on my future husband for my daily expenses , I will find it more secure if my future husband has the ability to sustain the household.

Last but not least , my future husband should be someone who is faithful enough to stay with me forever. The last thing I want in my marriage is a divorce due to disloyalty.

I know these may be some kind of tall order through other's eyes . For me , these are some of the qualities that my future husband should acquire in order to be perfect. Sadly , nobody's perfect in this world . Maybe , one day when I'm tired of the loneliness , I may cross out some of the qualities in order to get myself a partner. Or maybe , I will have a change of taste in guys in the future and will like jockies for husbands . Who knows ? Future is unpredictable .

Nothin' much

Thursday night .
Once again , I'm back blogging .
Ever since I've stopped blogging , my English gets lousier and lousier .
Although my speaking was always lousy , my writing is still okay .
But now , I just feel like I can't even write a good essay without reference book .
That feeling sucks .
Realizing how lousy my English has become , kills me.
I  have no idea how much blogging has benefit me back then .
But now I know .
So I'll be back blogging for some time these days , first because I've done my exam (Part of it) ..
Second, 'cause holidays is just around the corner (I'm bored) .

I will not post about any specific things in this post .
I'll just mix anything and everything that I've done in this four months when I'm not blogging .
Argh I'm so sleepy , I don't think I can write well in this post :(

So , I've started to watch Chinese dramas .
THAT is something worth mentioning , 'cause I have never watch Chinese dramas in my whole life.
Oh yeah ... I did .. (stupid brain)
Skip Beat was my first Chinese drama ...(I think I watched it last year) (Or maybe two years ago)
ANYWAY , that's not important .
The reason why I've started watching Chinese dramas is.......................................... a mystery :D
lol no .
It's because my grandma watches it every evening .
I was 'forced' to watch bits of it 'cause that's the time I take my dinner.
So , yeah.
After watching 'bits' of it , I find Chinese dramas really meaningful.
Unlike most Korean dramas (that always include melo) , Chinese dramas teaches me about family love and hardship.
Omg . wth . '_' who am I ? what am I doing ? I'm not writing about this . EW . family love and hardship 
?  writing a novel theme girl ? duh

Besides watching Chinese drama , I'm busy revising for my trial which had just ended ,... two days ago .
Life is hectic , weeks before trial , during trial ...
I spent most of my time sitting in front of my table , revising for something that makes my head hurt a lot and
I'm real tense during that period (cause I'm totally unprepared for this trial).
The earliest time I've woke up and went to bed during this trial was around 3 a.m.
All because I haven't finish revising for a certain subject . ( life is hell )
I have never been this hardworking in my entire life.
When I went to a supermarket with my fam. during the time , every second past makes me edgy.
All I thought when I was walking is  "Shit . I need to go home to finish (whateva) I'm revising"
Trial makes me value time.. a lot.
Despite my efforts , I don't think I'll be able to get a good result 'cause everything is so last minute :'(
You deserved the pain you're going to get when you get the results , Jasmine.
hmph aiic

Learning how to do make up is also one of the stuff I've been doing when I'm not blogging.
I mean , I'm 17 now.
I ought to act a little mature on the outside to cover up my inside which is still pretty much childish.
I'm finding excuses to conceal my fa hiao act. lol.
Also I just want to be pretty and to look like Korean.
One of my biggest inspiration is my friend , who is too in the process of learning makeup .
Really, it's not like I'm doing something bad . Making up is legal.
I don't get why I should hear someone's rambling for doing that.
And also , I don't think I need to find excuses for making up.
I AM GROWING UP .
Suck it up , mother.
(who had scolded me for being fa hiao)
wth....

I think that's all for today 'cause I'm really tired right now.
I'll blog again tomorrow.

xoxo Kit