My perfect future husband *which ends hastily because I'm sleepy*

Tomorrow never arrrives.
That was something I learnt from managing my blog.
Every time I said to update the next day .
I ends up not doing it .
Don't ask me why .
'Cause I could come up with infinity excuses for my laziness.
So don't make me into some kind of jerk .(Don't ask me why ..shh)
Anyways.
Me updating today is not because I'm finding something to distract me from studying or neither am I bored.
I'm gonna write an essay about "My perfect future husband or wife" today since the scary exam is two weeks away.

My perfect future husband. 

I came from a single parent family . In my tiny family , I have only my mom , my grandma and my little brother. To us , my father is non-existent . That's because what he did to us was unforgivable. He abandoned my mom , my brother and I while we were kids . I would have said he never comes back to us again since then . But that's not true. He did came back . Occasionally , at first . However , ever since my brother and I grew older , he stop contacting us and visiting us all together. That doesn't bother me of course , because I'm already used to him not being there every time. But his actions have certainly increase my distaste for him. I would have list out every flaws he have ,  as a father , husband and son . To save my inks , I'll just end it here .

Back to the topic , I do not have any high expectations of my future husband but he certainly cannot be the kind of person my father is . He should be a filial son to his parents and a responsible father to my children , if I have any , of course. Although , I don't have any high expectations of his appearance when I'm not exactly a beauty myself , he certainly can't have the looks of druggies , fatties and such. To be honest, I will like it if my future husband is a quiet but humorous kind of guy as I do not like sweet talking guys who picks up any girls they want.

My future husband should be tall , really tall , and that's a MUST . I am 173 cm myself and I don't think the future me will like it if my future husband is any shorter than I am . Besides , it will be perfect if my future husband possess a kind heart. Exactly , a kind heart. I haven't added that into my future perfect husband qualities list , not until a guy teacher of mine told us true stories of himself that he used to threw barking dog from high buildings just because it distracts him from studying for his exam. I certainly won't like a guy like that teacher to be my husband.

In addition , my future husband should also be brainy . Not the kind of know-it-all that everyone hates . He should at least be knowledgeable. Actually , I've always find the kind of guys who are quiet but intelligent charismatic. Maybe it's because they don't show off like most of the know-it-all s would. Besides ,  whys always comes out from my mouth unconsciously , I will be in awe if my future husband have the answers to all of my questions. Also , most of the knowledgeable guys will find a better profession . Despite the fact that I'm not a big spender , and I do not like to relay on my future husband for my daily expenses , I will find it more secure if my future husband has the ability to sustain the household.

Last but not least , my future husband should be someone who is faithful enough to stay with me forever. The last thing I want in my marriage is a divorce due to disloyalty.

I know these may be some kind of tall order through other's eyes . For me , these are some of the qualities that my future husband should acquire in order to be perfect. Sadly , nobody's perfect in this world . Maybe , one day when I'm tired of the loneliness , I may cross out some of the qualities in order to get myself a partner. Or maybe , I will have a change of taste in guys in the future and will like jockies for husbands . Who knows ? Future is unpredictable .

Nothin' much

Thursday night .
Once again , I'm back blogging .
Ever since I've stopped blogging , my English gets lousier and lousier .
Although my speaking was always lousy , my writing is still okay .
But now , I just feel like I can't even write a good essay without reference book .
That feeling sucks .
Realizing how lousy my English has become , kills me.
I  have no idea how much blogging has benefit me back then .
But now I know .
So I'll be back blogging for some time these days , first because I've done my exam (Part of it) ..
Second, 'cause holidays is just around the corner (I'm bored) .

I will not post about any specific things in this post .
I'll just mix anything and everything that I've done in this four months when I'm not blogging .
Argh I'm so sleepy , I don't think I can write well in this post :(

So , I've started to watch Chinese dramas .
THAT is something worth mentioning , 'cause I have never watch Chinese dramas in my whole life.
Oh yeah ... I did .. (stupid brain)
Skip Beat was my first Chinese drama ...(I think I watched it last year) (Or maybe two years ago)
ANYWAY , that's not important .
The reason why I've started watching Chinese dramas is.......................................... a mystery :D
lol no .
It's because my grandma watches it every evening .
I was 'forced' to watch bits of it 'cause that's the time I take my dinner.
So , yeah.
After watching 'bits' of it , I find Chinese dramas really meaningful.
Unlike most Korean dramas (that always include melo) , Chinese dramas teaches me about family love and hardship.
Omg . wth . '_' who am I ? what am I doing ? I'm not writing about this . EW . family love and hardship 
?  writing a novel theme girl ? duh

Besides watching Chinese drama , I'm busy revising for my trial which had just ended ,... two days ago .
Life is hectic , weeks before trial , during trial ...
I spent most of my time sitting in front of my table , revising for something that makes my head hurt a lot and
I'm real tense during that period (cause I'm totally unprepared for this trial).
The earliest time I've woke up and went to bed during this trial was around 3 a.m.
All because I haven't finish revising for a certain subject . ( life is hell )
I have never been this hardworking in my entire life.
When I went to a supermarket with my fam. during the time , every second past makes me edgy.
All I thought when I was walking is  "Shit . I need to go home to finish (whateva) I'm revising"
Trial makes me value time.. a lot.
Despite my efforts , I don't think I'll be able to get a good result 'cause everything is so last minute :'(
You deserved the pain you're going to get when you get the results , Jasmine.
hmph aiic

Learning how to do make up is also one of the stuff I've been doing when I'm not blogging.
I mean , I'm 17 now.
I ought to act a little mature on the outside to cover up my inside which is still pretty much childish.
I'm finding excuses to conceal my fa hiao act. lol.
Also I just want to be pretty and to look like Korean.
One of my biggest inspiration is my friend , who is too in the process of learning makeup .
Really, it's not like I'm doing something bad . Making up is legal.
I don't get why I should hear someone's rambling for doing that.
And also , I don't think I need to find excuses for making up.
I AM GROWING UP .
Suck it up , mother.
(who had scolded me for being fa hiao)
wth....

I think that's all for today 'cause I'm really tired right now.
I'll blog again tomorrow.

xoxo Kit

What am I to you ?

Nobody's reading my blog anyway .
I'm gonna post whatever I want .

Hi May .
I haven't been updating this blog for months AGAIN .
Ain't that free last month because of my friggin MYE .

Well , who the hell cares about what I'm doing right ? RIGHT ?!
Duh .

I have a rough time at school almost everyday since this year started.
Wait a minute , rough time WHAT ? /.\
I don't make many new friends , I don't find old friends .
I just didn't do anything  except sleep and more sleep the whole time .
Sometimes I feel okay , I will go downstairs and find some of my old friends .
I may be all lying to myself , if I say they didn't find my presence interrupting .

I just didn't know about way too much things.
I didn't know why they laugh about things who ain't even a tiniest bit funny , I didn't know what are they talking about , I didn't know..
I can't possibly throw all those questions I have to them .
I just stood there , sometimes laugh without knowing what I'm laughing , sometimes stare.
I guess I'm just the most annoying friend they could possibly have.
Call that OVER-THINKING if you want .
I'm pretty sure I'm not .

" I.. can't mixed with you guys"
It took me lots of courage to blurt that out .
Yes , BLURT .
Talking without thinking according to my primary school friend.
For me , it's telling the truth .
I did not know what was I hoping for when I said that.
I do not hope for anything I guess , not even wanting to be in their group .
'Cause I know I'll never understand or neither will them ever try to include me .
I just simply want to let them know how I feel.
Which turns out to be a bad decision .
They don't care.

I can feel that sometimes my friends are practically walking on eggshells around me .
I don't like that.
There's something wrong with my personality maybe.
Or maybe not.
I can be really really truthful and straightforward and mischievous with people I enjoy being with .
I too can be really quiet , really down , really asdfghjkl around people who makes me feel so small , so tiny.
As if I'm nothing to begin with .

It's hard , really hard to find people I like .
I won't survive well in this goddamned society. *sigh*

Lmao my title reminds me of History's song .
I need to put that on replay :ppppp

Dem Problems.

I'm not important to a lot of people.
They can live happily with or without me.
Sometimes I just wonder why am I even born in this world .

 Life is still as suck-ish as ever.
And that's probably one of the reasons I am blogging today.
*sigh*

I'm actually really really glad that it's holiday next week .
School is a place of loneliness for people like me.
I shunned myself from everyone these days . (and I decided to do that till I graduate)
There are various reasons for that.

I finally realized that I will never find a true friend that treat me good from the bottom of their heart.
People just don't do that these days .
They treat people good for reasons.
Most of them just want to survive in school or for the sake of memories.
Who doesn't want to have great memories of school after they graduate anyway ?
I haven't reach that high level of  peculiar-ness yet .
I too want to live my school life happily.
But isn't it pathetic ?
To be nice to people who treats you like a nobody .
That's not exactly true , but people DO ignore me at times.
No .
Just I'm not important at all .
My existence doesn't matter I guess.
I'm not a fun kind of person , so I can't exactly blame them .
There's only myself to blame then.

I'm a narrow minded kind of person sometimes. *in certain aspects*
Such as , F R I EN D S H I P .
I used to be really jealous when my best friend has another best friend during primary school.
I kept asking my best friend if I was her best friend .
And keep trying to keep my best friend to myself.
At that time , I like my best friend's best friend too .
Still , me being a jealous kid , sometimes I just can't help but being a little too touchy when both of them do something without me.
One day , I guess they are finally annoyed of me being me .
And so they told me that they do not want to "friend" me anymore.
I asked why and started crying a little. * I cried really easily when I was young*
Then I guess they panicked seeing me crying , they decided to "friend" me again to calm me down .
That was some kind of childhood memories , isn't it ?
Seeing I have remembered them so clearly today , I guess they are pretty much the second most important people after my family back then .

Anyway ,  I am just trying to say that I haven't changed that much for the first few years of my secondary school's life. *Idgaf about everything this year , so I guess that means I've changed then?*
Eventually , I had to give up on making somebody else as my best friend .
I cant stand it when my only one best friend has a bunch of best friends lol.
It's tough for me .
So now , I have no best friends .
I do have a bunch of good friends last year.
Whom I've played with , talked with , argued with , eat with and slept with .
Last year was probably the best year of my secondary school life.
But this year , is just orz , orz and orz!
All of them find better friends.
And I'm not one who interrupt other happy times.
So I choose not to find them anymore.

Anyway, people who doesn't tell the truth is real pain .
I get frustrated when I realized what I know isn't the truth .
I stay away from that kind of people too. *Except for my brother , it's not like I can keep him away from my life urgh*
So when I'm having a conversation with them , I avoid talking about subjects which they choose to give me untrue statements. *I couldn't avoid when it's one of my good friends either*

I'm not the kind of person who force people to do things for me.
If you don't want to help me . Just say it .
Don't push me to somebody else as if I'm a problem to you.
I don't even asked why anymore.
It just crushed me , to realized that even my friend don't want to help me.
Is that over thinking again ?
I don't know .
I just don't want to be a nuisance to anyone anymore.

Life is a b***ch.
And I'm a brat with rotten attitude ?

<p.s. this post is made up of several little post xD>
Good Night .

Three months ?

Well ....Hi guys , I'm finally back :p
It has been THREE months ! *p.s. I've Just Came Back From Mars*
You can't believe it ?
Don't Believe It Then .

I thought I could at least blog once a month ..
It turns out that I was wrong .
My laziness swallows me completely .
I can't even find my way back here urgh..

Well anyway , I came back .

Here's a short interview between me and myself. Enjoy :/

How's life ?
Me: Extremely terrible.

Why do I say so ?
Me: Frankly, I really can't get used to this freaking class . Everyone in my class are like so extremely talented . Those who are talented in musical instruments and those who are good in academics , you can find them anywhere in  my class . ALL EXCEPT ME ! My results were pretty good last year . But this year it just sucked so much that it is not even bearable to look at . Especially my maths . I feel like crying now . So let's stop talking about results. All in all . I'm extremely disappointed in myself . Only pray to god that I won't get the last place in my class.

What have I been doing these days ?
Me: Nothing actually . I guess I've somewhat lengthen my December holidays mood to the first few months of 2014. I'm making an effort in quitting my addiction to drama.

Have I made any friends ?
Me: Sure. But only a few. Whom I can't even call as friends. My social life sucks. I guessed I have made that clear since I first started blogging ? Anyhow , I have to keep trying . Or I'll sink into depression of not having friends in life . Then I'll start talking to myself or my dolls ...I will be crazy ..

How's my preparation for the year end big test ?
Me: NOT in progress.

End .

So !
You probably thinks I'm absolutely hopeless by now eh ?
Go on . Think them . But don't tell me .
I'm pessimistic enough right now.

Perhaps the reason for my unexplainable sluggish behavior is because of the absence of a goal.
I had to make some wishes for the months ahead .

1. I wish that I can at least get 8As in my O-level.
2. I wish I can get 72 or above average marks in my school tests.
3. I wish I can fit in my school life better .
4. I wish I'm a better person xD
5. ...

Okay :p

The fourth one is bs.

'Cause I don't even know what I meant by being a better person lol.

Not fussing over petty matters ? Be A LOT MORE hardworking ??

Anyway , it doesn't have a definite definition for " A Better Person" ..

I guess I'll have to work hard now.

I hope I can do instead of repeating it over and over again *sigh*. 

Bye .
And I'll be back when I'll be back :)