What am I to you ?

Nobody's reading my blog anyway .
I'm gonna post whatever I want .

Hi May .
I haven't been updating this blog for months AGAIN .
Ain't that free last month because of my friggin MYE .

Well , who the hell cares about what I'm doing right ? RIGHT ?!
Duh .

I have a rough time at school almost everyday since this year started.
Wait a minute , rough time WHAT ? /.\
I don't make many new friends , I don't find old friends .
I just didn't do anything  except sleep and more sleep the whole time .
Sometimes I feel okay , I will go downstairs and find some of my old friends .
I may be all lying to myself , if I say they didn't find my presence interrupting .

I just didn't know about way too much things.
I didn't know why they laugh about things who ain't even a tiniest bit funny , I didn't know what are they talking about , I didn't know..
I can't possibly throw all those questions I have to them .
I just stood there , sometimes laugh without knowing what I'm laughing , sometimes stare.
I guess I'm just the most annoying friend they could possibly have.
Call that OVER-THINKING if you want .
I'm pretty sure I'm not .

" I.. can't mixed with you guys"
It took me lots of courage to blurt that out .
Yes , BLURT .
Talking without thinking according to my primary school friend.
For me , it's telling the truth .
I did not know what was I hoping for when I said that.
I do not hope for anything I guess , not even wanting to be in their group .
'Cause I know I'll never understand or neither will them ever try to include me .
I just simply want to let them know how I feel.
Which turns out to be a bad decision .
They don't care.

I can feel that sometimes my friends are practically walking on eggshells around me .
I don't like that.
There's something wrong with my personality maybe.
Or maybe not.
I can be really really truthful and straightforward and mischievous with people I enjoy being with .
I too can be really quiet , really down , really asdfghjkl around people who makes me feel so small , so tiny.
As if I'm nothing to begin with .

It's hard , really hard to find people I like .
I won't survive well in this goddamned society. *sigh*

Lmao my title reminds me of History's song .
I need to put that on replay :ppppp